Why Romantic Love can Fail

Romantic emotional love is a human yearning sought for by the youth, sometimes re-found in middle age, and by old age it is a warm blanket of lifelong friendship.
 

We fall for the myth of romantic love because it’s an easy and convenient escape from reality but real love really begins when the butterflies have gone and we learn more about self- sacrifice, understanding that love is a verb, and not a noun that we fall into. This is why so many mistakenly hurt  themselves in love and why for many, real love remains so elusive. 

We seek another to fulfill our unfulfilled selves, or we are biologically driven by lust to take a partner who does not match our innermost values. Some find someone to  love so they don't have to concentrate on themselves and this develops a dependency relationship, which unless well sustained, can invariably end in pain. After time, underneath the surface, our egos always return to the forefront, no longer veiled by the illusion of eternal romance and nagging truth appears, telling us that “this is not it.”  Time has taken its toll in habitual routine and suddenly we don't feel that love is about giving in to every plea of our beloved other, neither is it demanding that they give in to ours. 

Walking away from something that no longer serves you because original intentions were based on needs and not true love, requires self-love, courage and ability to take responsibility. It is also sometimes the most loving thing to do for two people involved in a mismatch.  

Emotional maturity and conscious decision making, often requires pain to precede inner growth.  There are also many who are in relationships that no longer grow, or which are no longer satisfying, yet due to various needs, sometimes financial, or reasons both conscious or unconscious, they stay and remain unhappy in a shell of a relationship because it is easier than facing their pain or failure. This is not to say that in relationship's natural ebb and flow of ups and downs one should quit. But if the love was built on the wrong reasons and both are hiding behind convenience as an excuse for love it takes strength to choose the best for both parties to leave amicably instead of wasting more time. Obviously even here, there might be a kind of temporary depression. But it can  be a healthy place to bring about lasting changes in our lives that reap better future lives and choices for all involved. 

So before you go falling into love for all the wrong reasons, or bounce from one relationship to the next, be honest and ask yourself if you are in need or if you are genuinely interested in sharing your values and ethics with that person, , growing two better people in the final outcome. Also, don't let society or others dictate whether you should be in a relationship or not, for only you will know when you are ready. Good luck and love truly! 

L - learning

O- our

V - valuable

E - ethics